Ah, college. A place to learn, a place to become, a place to do stupid shit you never would have done at home. College is often synonymous with freedom, responsibility, fun, and experiences you'll remember for the rest of your life.
But college is also different for everyone. There are extremes. There's the ever-studious, perfectly innocent, goody-goody attitude worn by some, and then there's the out of control, crazy, irresponsible and often times stupid attitude worn by the kids you swear got arrested last week, yet somehow they were at that party you went to last night. And of course, there's the kinds of people who rest in between these extremes. They know how to balance their study time with their party time, and they're usually smart enough to NOT get a drinking ticket every weekend or get themselves kicked out for partying too much.
These in-between kids are the ones who get the most out of college. They get the knowledge and education they need to succeed in life and in their career as well as getting the social exposure they need to gain those friends they'll have for the rest of their lives. The party heads usually get kicked out for partying to much and not paying tuition because they're broke from all the drinking tickets. The studious nerds often end up graduating early and realizing there wasn't anyone there but their parents to congratulate them because they had never gotten to know anyone since they spent their nights and weekends studying.
Right now, I'm none of these profiles. I'm closest to the in-between, but I don't quite fit the definition. I study, but not enough. I party, but very very very rarely and in a safe, non-alcoholic kind of way. I've made some acquaintances (I will not call them friends if I meet them once and can't remember their names), but most of the relationships I've sort of formed are superficial and only for convenience or for show. I've made only three friends here, and I've only been inside the more personal worlds of two of them. One is only a friend I've met in classes, and yes, she's nice, we talk, but it hasn't really gone beyond that.
However, the other two friends I've made have let me in. I know a lot about them, they know a lot about me, and we're both still learning more about the other. I feel comfortable enough around them to let them in on some more personal aspects of my life. It's gotten to the point where I would rather spend my time in their dorm than in mine, even though my futon is more comfortable than theirs (sorry about that reference everyone, it's kind of an inside joke). That's another thing. We've already stocked up on some inside jokes, awkward times together (that's another post...) and meals eaten in one another's silent, yet comfortable company.
We've watched football together, yelled at the television together, sang horribly in the car together, done some stupid shit in the car together, and made late-night grocery shopping trips at one in the morning together. These times have brought us together so quickly it's hard to believe I've been here for a little over a month. I've known them for a little over a month. It blows my mind to realize I really do have two people here who would be sad if I left, who would actually miss me when I was gone. And knowing that is almost enough by itself to keep me here. But there's other factors playing into the glue that's starting to harden me to this place. The fact they understand my aversion to hard partying, the fact we've had some really deep conversations together and the bond we now share that's nearly as strong as my old bonds. The gravitational pull coming from Wisconsin is being heavily counteracted by the pull coming from just these two people. S.i.m.p.l.y. a.m.a.z.i.n.g.
So now you're wondering, what happened that made me change my attitude so drastically from before, when I was hating my situation only two weeks ago. Well, I can't say exactly, but I have a hunch it has to do with one simple word, one simple concept. Time.
I've given myself time to reform, to shape myself according to the mold that's been given to me by the school, by the people, and strangely, by myself. My expectations, my relationships, my current position and my attitude have shaped this mold into something that has changed me for good. Not to be confused with changing me for the better, because I'm still cooling into the shape I've been poured into. I'm still me, I'm still a wisconsinite, but there's a new piece to the puzzle that's been added. There's a little part of me that's been forming inside of me for the past month, and I can't stop it. Michigan has become a part of me. Granted, it's a small part, but all together it will be a part of me as long as I live. Michigan has affected me, and I can't deny that since it has changed me in someway, it's become a part of me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't miss Wisconsin. I do. I miss cheese curds, the corn fields, the cows. I miss my family, the dogs, my friends. I miss Good Neighbor Fest, the fall, my dance classes. But those things are all a part of me, and they always will be.
But now there's more things that have been added into the recipe that is me. Shopping at Kroger's and Meijer, WESconsin pronunciation, watching Jersey Shore, "B-dubs." NOT losing my keys, living in "the arctic", playing soccer in the hallways. Dressing in jeans and a t-shirt everyday, falling asleep at one in the morning, answering to the names "T-nasty" and "Le Tia." These things are a part of me now, and even if I do come back to WISconsin, I'll always keep them in my heart and in my soul. I can't be ME anymore without them. And until last saturday, I didn't want to accept that. But now... Well let's say my eyes have been (figuratively) opened and my mind has been exposed.
So here's me:
- Le Tia/T-nasty
-"I guess you've earned a ten on the respect meter."
-"But your face would taste good!" "Yes, but it would hurt. I can't imagine having a watermelon forcefully ejected into your face would be very pleasant."
-"It'd probably be better if you slept on the floor. It's more comfortable than the futon."
-"And I thought you were so cool... Then you had to tell me you were a PS2 girl. Damn."
And that's only a small part of the big picture. There are more adventures, more stories on the way. I can't wait to see what's in my future, and even though I may still be afraid of lots of things, I've become more confident, braver, more fearless than before. But my fear has been shifted from the petty things I once was afraid of. My bravado has been applied to more important things, my attention has been focused on things that are considered important in more books than just mine.
As Natasha Beddingfield sang, "Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten."
My book has only ended it's first chapter. There are many, many more pages to be filled, written and read, and I can't wait to share my novel with the world.
