I want to write this.

I want to write something beautiful, something beautiful just for you. But I don't know if these words are going to come out right.
We started out all wrong. All wrong indeed. Nothing was right about us, for many reasons. But I feel as if we could start over. But you don't seem all that interested anymore. Or is it just because you were waiting for me?

You told me once, that if I was single you'd be going after me.
Well. I'm single. Come after me.

Is it petty and shallow and stupid that I want you to chase after me? That I want you to want me so bad that your heart hurts when I'm gone?
I guess not, if I want to feel the same way about you. I think I could, I have that capacity to feel that way about you because you're so much like me. You basically are me. And the person who's perfect for me, I've always thought, is someone who is so much like me that there can't possibly be any way that they can't understand me. And I've always felt like you understand me so well. You always know just what I'm saying. And for some reason, that's really important to me.

I had this dream, that I think you were in. But the face of the boy in my dream shifted so many times that it could have been you, or it could have been someone else. But I want to believe that it was you, at least for some of it. And it was the best dream I've had in a long time, but I can't remember it. All I know is that in that dream, the boy wanted me just as much, if not more, than I wanted him. And I loved him with all my heart, and with all that I am. So much that my heart hurt when he was gone. So much that my heart hurt when I woke up. I want that. Again. Even though you're not the same person as before.

I want there to be an us. I want there to be a you and I, a forever after, a love so deep and unconditional that I'd never look twice at anyone else. But I'm a shallow creature, I like beauty too much for my own good. And I know it. But I just need to look at the inner beauty. Yours is much, almost exactly, like mine, which makes it easy to spot. And I know how brightly it shines, because I've seen it.

You don't know all this yet, maybe you never will. You don't know how badly I want to be loved so deeply that the whole world can see it without you ever saying a word. I'm not in love with you (yet) because that's just not possible. But I want it to happen so badly that my heart cries out to be loved, and you're the first one I think of to answer the call.