How Lucky Am I To Have You

My life.... is fucked up.

So I thought coming back from michigan would make me feel better. I thought living with my best friend would make everything so much more fun. I thought pledging to a sorority would make me new friends.

It's all lies.

I hate it here.

The one good thing I have in my life right now is Aaron. He's basically keeping me alive right now. Because otherwise, I would be 6 feet under due to my own hatred for myself. I'm starting to cry out for help. Literally cry. I need a friend, a confidant, other than my other half. I wish I was more mature, I wish I could help myself, I wish I could just do what I need to get done but I can't. I'm not at the right level of maturity. I thought it was the school that was making me hate life so much. But I realize now, it's not the school, it's me. I'm not ready for this, none of it. I'm not mature enough, or organized enough, or even motivated enough to fulfill my duties as a student. I can't concentrate.
I wish my friends here understood me like Mark did. I miss him. He was probably the one genuine friend I have made since graduating. He was a rock for me. And because of my immaturity and stupidity, I left the best friend I could ever have back in a state I will never visit again. Why do I do this to myself??

But there is one thing that I thank God every day for. Aaron. He had been the one thing keeping me from departing this earth entirely. I care not what anyone else thinks as much as his opinion. My life will never be the same if he left. he's the most important thing to me right now.