Oh how I miss you....

I'm going to be honest. I miss Central so much.

Up there, I felt as if I truly was in college. I was away from home, on my own, fending for myself with no hope of having mommy and daddy only a short drive away to help me out. Now in Whitewater, I feel like I'm just living out high school again, but without my parents right next door. It's so frustrating.

And thinking about how I would actually be in school right now instead of blogging at this time of night makes me emotional enough that I want to cry. I had dreams once, and now that I'm realizing some of them, I'm realizing Central was a dream I had, and didn't hold on to. Leaving (at the time) made me happier than I've ever been in my life. But now that I had a semester at WW, I'm realizing I want to be back there. Just reliving the feeling of being there would have been enough to last me a lifetime. Just to be back, once more. I miss what I had up there- integrity, drive, support, emotion, life. I miss Ben, I miss Mark, I miss Ryan, I miss Amelia, I miss Dani, I miss Alisha, I miss Melanie, I miss Becca. I miss Cobb, Sweeney, Fresh Foods, RFoC, and the Library.

I was too hasty. I should have lived out the rest of the year there. See how it went. I'm sure I would be a different person than I am today, quite possibly a better one. I wouldn't know the same people I know now, but I'd know different ones. I'd be back in school already, living in the dorms again, excited to see what my classes would be like. I literally HATE myself for leaving. I don't know what to do. I really don't. I'm at a loss for words right now because all I want to do is cry. I fucking LOVED it there and I didn't realize it.

If I could ideally do what I want, I'd be back at Central. No more whitewater. I'd be back at Central in a heartbeat. I want to talk to my parents about going back.
"Mom, Dad. I want to go back to Central. I realize that Whitewater isn't as good of a school for me as Central was, and I don't feel as if I'm doing my best there. My relationships with the people at Central have stayed as strong, if not stronger, than they were when I was there. I regret transferring so early, because I missed out on SO many opportunities. I had a lot going for me up at Central, MUCH more than I have going for me at Whitewater. The distractions at Whitewater caused me to not do my best, and Central was a better fit for me, and I felt as if I was more self-sufficient at Central. My grades were much better up there too. I've been considering going back for a while now, but never really considered it seriously. But now after I've realized that I'm not fulfilling my complete potential at Whitewater like I was at Central, I feel this need to go back. Being far away helped me grow and become more adult-like. But I didn't have as much responsibility at Whitewater. I feel like going to school so close to home has prevented me from making the best choices. I partied too much at Whitewater, and I know I hardly ever went out to party at Central. I held on to my values and beliefs at Central, whereas Whitewater I basically tossed them away. I just want to go back and become the person I was back there. I liked that person. I just wanted you to know how I feel, and why I want to go back."